My Mom's "Funeral"

I know in Asian cultures and possibly others as well, many exasperated parents will tell their kids "Do you want to see me dead?" whenever the rebellious little twit tries something naughty (and forfeits his Christmas presents). In my home, things are a little bit stranger.

My mom doesn't need to threaten me like that because I'm quite obedient. But she always talks about what she wants me to do for her funeral. Like: I don't want crysenthanums, they look so dead and they don't look nice. Or even more worrying for my future pocket, she wants champagne roses and actual champagne to be served for her funeral.

Sounds more like a wedding reception.

Today probably beats all of her other suggestions.

We were in the car when we passed a procession of people who walk behind the funeral car as a mark of respect (I believe its a Taoist ritual). Like any funeral procession, they were the usual grim faced and grieving category.

My mom had a brain wave.

"For my funeral, I want everyone to be in dancing shoes. They'll dance when following the funeral car."

I'm a filial daughter, and I imagine I'll be in tears at my mother's death, so naturally her tone made me not a little irritated.

"Isn't it kind of strange," I added, going cautiously, because she's quite capricious. "People are going to wonder how horrible the deceased person is, that everyone is ready to celebrate when they die."

Since she started laughing, I ventured on. Hoping that my words would convince her what a bad idea this was.

"And if it rains on that day, the yellow raincoats and yellow umbrellas will come out of nowhere." Thankfully my dad remembers stuff like this better than my mother, and said out loud, just to make sure she understood the joke. "Singing in the Rain"

Actually, it does sound like a good song.

"I'm singing in the rain

our best friend is dead

what a wonderful feeling

I'm happy again."

I think I'm going to make sure instructions for her funeral never make it to her will.

After being cremated, she wants me to bury the ashes in the National Botanic Gardens. I managed to talk her out of throwing the ashes into the sea. If the breeze happens to be blowing towards me, I'm going to be covered in my mother.