Project Private Walks Begins

I can't take it anymore. This world around me is crazy. My mom sort of rebuked me for making a comment about a girl something like this: " Oh I was just waiting while my mom finished helping her" in hearing distance of the pupil who was being helped. Someone had asked me why I hadn't gone home from visiting my primary school, where my mother works in.

Don't worry unknown girl, just declare your name and I will not go on a tirade about lurkers and annonymous comments. No offecnce seriously. My mother just can't take my message since she doesn't know how at ease I am with my primary school and my aim at being slightly flippant about the matter instead of lying (I had finished most of my visiting before she started the tutoring, which was unplanned, of course) that I was just hanging around for hanging around's sake.

I don't think anyone my age could thoroughly blame me, I was just so irritated by the whole day. Let me recount.
My seniors asked me to stay back for a meeting for the next Model United Nations Conference in the year, only four of us showed up and one wasn't directly involved as a delegate. In the end all we managed to do was get me trying as much as possible through subtle hints to discuss the skit we had to do on Saturday. We went for lunch and right after they wanted to watch a movie, I declined, having no interest in the movies being screened and went to my primary school. I had fun there mostly, until I was quite overcome by boredom since no one was really around to talk to me, the teachers are really busy, it being the exam period and all. (I finished my last paper today, happy but nervous over the results, bad premonitions, but i did my best)

I know I can't blame anyone for that small rebuke but I think I am more affected than the student herself. I have a really weak emotional barrier built up around me. Kept low so that I won't be too blind. As long as I felt no malice before, during and after I said it I'm sure it is alright. I meant it as an explanation and perhaps just wanting my mother to tell me how long she expected to be there. About half an hour ago in the staffroom it was just a few more spelling books and suddenly I had a glutinous expanse of time.

I'm listening to The Pianist now, or half listening, since I'm blogging and watching it at the same time. Grounds me, these movies, leaves me aware of the worse forms of segregations, masacres, hardships that I'll ever know till the Last Day. I don't like stories sometimes because they do not really say it as it is. But some novelists really achieve the realism, even in a fantasy world, that's why like them. C.S. Lewis and J.R Tolkien can do that purely because of the angles they have in the story and because THEY SAY that its a story, not attempting to potray the story as something real.

Okay, the Pianist is about the German Holocaust, featuring Jewish Wladyslaw Szpilman. I hate these sort of horrific movies but sometimes, real life situations tell you the most. Pictures bypass the mind's interpretation of words. That's how comics come alive and movies become reality. Which is why I seek quite a bit of solace in books, more if I can afford the time, where I can choose how much to bypass my reasoning.

Oh and contrary to what the unknown girl thinks, I don't exactly like the idea of migration. I just need to find a friend, a serious male friend to listen to me and dispell my worries that I'm not attractive enough to a guy's eye or that I'm too boring for most people (which is the idea drilled into me by a majority of my friends).

Okay, Project Private Walks Begins. Don't expect me to blog much. I'll be writing.